Love, honour and disobey

Wedding photographers have been in the news this week, at war with vicars

The BBC reported that one vicar told the ‘tog to leave, as he was causing so much disruption.

Photographers say they are paid by the couple to get the shots they are insisting upon, just doing their job. They claim the vicars are being ‘rude and aggressive’.

War in the churches! What’s going on?

Before the big day

I’ve done wedding photography for a few decades. I have seen huge changes in styles, technology and social attitudes over this time.

What struck me when I read about the recent ‘photographer wars’ was that -as ever – photography reflects life. As a society, we appear to be becoming less considerate and respectful. When we distill all of that into the emotional pressure cooker called a wedding day, it’s easy to see how things can bubble over.

One thing I’d always do was to speak to the vicar beforehand. This way we’d set the ground rules. I’m a guest in their house, but my clients have expectations of what I’ll deliver. Both of these are important. So it is our job – as two working professionals appointed for the day – to work as partners.

I’d volunteer that I’d not use flash during the ceremony and be discreet as my opening stance. The vicar would reciprocate with their ‘house rules’ which were usually ’anything goes if you aren’t obtrusive’. Or ‘don’t use flash’ and ‘don’t stand between the couple and clergy’. Some would say no shots during the exchanging of vows. One said I was not allowed on the balcony (because one photographer fell off and broke his leg).

Whatever happened, I was always respectful that I was at someone else’s wedding, held in what is a sacred place.

Changing times

From what I see and read, I’m not convinced this is always happening now.

Clattering about on chairs is a no-no when the almighty is being invoked to bless a sacred union. As is treating the event like a Hollywood film set to be directed at your whim for a ‘worm’s eye view’.

But it’s not just the photographers being inconsiderate. Customers are more demanding too. In my experience, 99% of people are absolutely lovely. And again it all comes down to good communication and a respectful manner.

But one bride got upset a couple of years ago because I didn’t hand over all the outtakes. ‘They’re mine too’ was the charge levied. I’d made it clear before and after that curating the final selection was something I did as part of the service. I’ll take several photos of the same thing because one person will blink. Then I’ll select the good ones.

There’s a reason for that…

If there’s an outtake with an interesting or funny angle on things I’ll include that too. In effect, I’m saving you going through the dross to ensure you get a punchy, engaging story of the entire day.

It reflects on me too. If I’m taking a rough shot to check exposure, lighting, flash balance and you stick that on Facebook it dilutes the narrative and looks bad on my skills. If you blink in a way that looks as though you’d just snorted coke, it looks quite bad for you too. I overshoot with all these things in mind. I go to great lengths to ensure you have quality and plenty of images!

Speed has become a factor in recent years too, I know of photographers who will load a set of images up to social feed almost straight away for guests to peruse as the reception progresses. Huge pressure on the photographer. But I think it also diminishes the value of a photograph, which is, at its core, a historical document. Be present at the wedding, and enjoy it in real-time. Then relive it through the photographs later. Like watching a live concert through the back of your phone: when we confuse the two we experience neither of them particularly well. 

They did what?

Over the years I’ve seen it all:

The bride who insisted on being carried everywhere by ushers because it had rained earlier and didn’t want the hem of her dress to get damp.

The groom’s mother who demanded to retain her lit fag on the photos (although at £16 per packet, she might have had a point).

The bride and groom’s families that were in open war and spent the entire wedding day in two hostile factions.

I remember one bride in tears because her entire family had gone missing between the church and reception venue. The bride’s father had directed the driver to stop at a nice looking real ale pub en route for a few while the champagne reception went flat.

Pray for me too

Vicars, meanwhile, must also be feeling the pressure with dwindling congregations and competition from wedding venues. Most I’ve met over the years are wise and compassionate people well worth listening to. Like an experienced wedding photographer -they’ve also been to thousands of weddings and know what works and what doesn’t. If they aren’t happy about something there’s probably a good reason to listen to them.

But there can be tensions even here. I remember one Catholic Father ranting at length in the middle of the ceremony about how the couple should when it came to consummate their marriage later that night, stop what they were doing to think about him instead. He pointed out that he’d given up all such pleasures for a celibate life and the happy couple should therefore be filled with guilt about the sacrifice he had made for them. I remember this didn’t go down well with the assembled (the bride and groom didn’t reveal whether they followed his advice or not).

Social engagements

Wedding photography is a huge privilege. The photographer is entrusted to capture one of the most important events in life. It’s usually a day filled to the brim with lovely people in a good mood. It also offers a window into a changing society, where emotions, tensions and social media influences can all be accentuated to busting point.

Social media has shown us what others have done, but not always in context. They are called ‘Influencers’ for a reason – they show us what we can also do. But not what we should do. Social media never shares the outtakes, the duff shots where it didn’t quite work or wasn’t appropriate.

I wonder if this current war between vicars and photographers highlights how, as a society, we aren’t thinking about the impact of our actions as much as we used to. An important ingredient for any lasting relationship, I’m sure you’d agree.